Tomorrow is now... 3 weeks exactly until my goal weight date and I am NOT screwing up this time.... I am determined.. i've failed TOO many times!!! Tomorrow I am going to hide my small eating to the best of my ability but I assume everyone will be so wound up with themselves they won't even notice if I don't eat much...

3 weeks, 20 pounds, 500 cals a day......... wish me luck!

I'm frusterated.... I failed miserably today... I think I am about to start my period, but still... that's no excuse.  I did soooooo well until tonight when things just went DOWN HILL. 

My day was going great... I had almost exactly 500 cals all throughout the day and they were all small healthy little snacks!!! Then, I decided to go out... had some champagne came home and BINGED!!!!!! I ate SOOO MUCH!!!! Gah!!! Why do I do this, I am soo frusterated! I probably ate over 1000 calories!!!!!! I just kept munchin' on EVERYTHING in sight!!!

Some one please give me some advice on how to get on track again... once I get started my mind is determined.. it's just those first three days that are the hardest... I need your support!!!!!! Please help me get through the next three days without failing!!!! I HAVE to do this.. I am soo depressed!

Sorry I have been gone for so long... I actually ended up in the hospital again and I can't even tell you how much I missed being able to talk to you girls!!! I am sooo happy to be able to post again... I gained a few pounds in the hospital because they MADE me eat EVERY meal, but don't worry i'll get it off pretty fast. 

Goal Date: December 15th

Current Weight: 140

Goal Weight: 120

Pounds lost: 0

My goal is in 25 days and I am going to eat NO more than 500 calories for the next 25 days... NO MATTER WHAT!!!! and I have to work out for at LEAST 30 min. a day at LEAST 6 times a week.

I know I can do this, I just have to be strong and i'll need your support! I'll post EVERY day to let you know how I am doing! Thanksgiving might be tricky... but i'll get around it some how!

I need you all  right now... the last two days have been pretty bad.  I haven't been able to be as strong as I want to and I can't even tell you how depressed I am.  I want to be skinny so bad,  but I always fail.  It's not even that I want to eat ...  i just do it... it's like I get so emotionally frusterated because I don't want to eat but I do and then I end up eating but it upsets me so I eat more and that upsets me even more and I just get soo depressed and say i'll start over tomorrow... but it's an endless cycle. 

My best friend is the skinnest person I have ever seen and I would give anything to weigh less than her.  People always say too me isn't she the skinnest person you have ever seen.. and i'm just like.. yeah.. it makes me soo upset and I know it shouldn't but I want people to say that about me... I want people to notice that i'm small.  I don't even know what to do anymore.. I feel like a failure, I feel like crying my eyes out because no matter what I do I can't be skinny and I am just soo frusterated. 

I was looking back on my old entries and I have realized how many un met goals I have made in the past.... it seemed to me like I kept making goals, making excuses for not making them and started new goals.. it was an endless cycle and I had to do something to stop it... so I erased all of my old entries and I am starting fresh!!! I'll let you know my goals tomorrow.

Good news I weight in at 138lbs!!!!!!